#0 · Jul 10, 2003, 20:56 · timeless

Thank for your help.

I have a lot of work to do on my novel and you guys have given me valuable direction.

Regards,
timeless
Hello again timeless,

Well, I have yet to get much time to read through your story so far, but I have copied and pasted all of it in a word document so I can go through and read it at my leisure.  I will make notes in the file and post it in its own topic here with everything that I thought about it, including thoughts that I have along the way, that way you can see if I am getting what you want me to get out of it along the way.  I will be as critical as I can don't worry.  I will hopefully have it up for you tomorrow.

Respectfully,
Links Shadow

#2 · Jul 11, 2003, 17:57 · timeless

Dear Links Shadow,

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Deeply indebted to you,
timeless

#3 · Jul 11, 2003, 20:02 · James S

Hi Timeless.

This is good!!
I have to confess my very first thoughts were "oh no, another Harry Potter rip off", but reading more,It's not! I mean, ok, we have the whole teenage kids in a rather unique school thing happening, but it's so different. The imagery is wonderful - it has a lovely "etherial" feel to it.

The POV change was good - subtle, and I can't see any problems with the dialog. It carries the story well and is easy to follow.

Just one mistake I noticed -
" It's Simms' job is to challenge Elliott's caveman."

Just a little proof reading for you[ :) ]

Is good!![^]
James.

#4 · Jul 12, 2003, 09:16 · timeless

Dear James S,

Thank for catching the grammarical error.

Did Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 give you the impression it was going to be a Harry Potter like book? I brew a much different atmosphere than J.K. Rowlings (we sat in different coffee shops I guess ). Just in case you did not get the joke, J.K. wrote her first book in a coffee shop. If chapters 1 and 2 leave this impression, I definitely overdid the comical side of my characters.

By the way this is a zipper story. In other words I have two stories going on. The first story is her waking life. The second is her sleeping life. The two stories meet in climax at the end.

I wanted the waking life to provide a little comic relief but I went overboard, I think. It is usually unadviseable to point out the extremes in characters right off. Orson Scott Card points out that immediate exaggeration of character is usually reserved to minor characters not major characters. Fortunately, I can easily fix the rest of Chapter 1 and all of Chapter 2.

Thanks you so much James!
Pointing out even the smallest flaw is helpful.

An appreciative,
timeless ]

#5 · Jul 12, 2003, 16:23 · Frank

Timeless: What is the average age of your target market?

Yours,
Frank

#6 · Jul 12, 2003, 16:28 · timeless

Dear Frank,

The target market is 12 and up. Is my vocabulary appropriate. I have an 11 year old reading my book. She is an unusual 11 year old though. This girl EATS books.

Thank you for taking the time Frank.

Sincerely,
timeless

#7 · Jul 13, 2003, 04:20 · James S

No Timeless, it only looked initially "Potteresque" from the start of the scene when she first goes to the school. Admitedly I read the 3rd chapter first (slack of me I know).[:I]

The first & second chapter look more like you were sitting in the same coffee shop as Stephen King or Raymond E. Fiest. There is definitely a mysterious feel to these chapters.

James.