#0 · Dec 04, 2002, 06:11 · WalkerInTheWoods

I have a little bit of a dilemma. I have a daughter who turned 1 this past November. She is not the problem. http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>  The problem arises around this Santa Claus fellow. Before I ever had a child the question was on my mind whether I should tell any child I would one day have that there is or is not a Santa Claus. Over time it became rather clear to me that lieing is lieing. By me telling my child that Santa Clause does exist, in a physical aspect anyway, I would be deceiving and lieing to someone that I am suppose to guide, teach, and bring up in this life. How can I deceive another who trusts me when I myself am on a quest for truth? Now the real problem arises. If it were just me and my daughter the path would be clear. But it is not just me and my daughter. My parents and my daughters mother are pretty big into Christmas and Santa Claus. I mentioned this to the mother one time and it kind of upset her. She then told my parents and they said something about the fun and magic of Christmas that comes with believing in Santa Clause. Now I do not hold anything against my parents for making me believe that Santa really existed. I guess it was fun believing for a little while, but that is not want I enjoyed about Christmas. Even at a young age I enjoyed the togetherness of family and friends and the ideas of peace and love and the celebration of these things. Mr Claus really had/has little to do with Christmas to me. To please everyone I thought I could tell her that Santa is not real like we are, but more like a representation of these ideas. I am not sure a child could understand this though. Atleast I do not have to worry about it this year, but would like to hear others thoughts.

#1 · Dec 04, 2002, 06:53 · Jacara

When I have kids, we won't be raising them to believe in Santa.  When my parents told me about Santa, it was very troubling to me, and after that I questioned everything my parents told me, including our belief in God.  (Not that that's always a bad thing, but it probably is at a young age)
Anyway, after I knew about Santa (but wasn't allowed to tell my younger brother & sister) I still felt the same "magic" in Christmas, and it was a fun little secret between my parents and me.
If you do decide to tell your daughter the truth, don't let her spoil it for other kids.  Their parents probably wouldn't appreciate that. http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile_blush.gif" border=0>

#2 · Dec 04, 2002, 07:01 · Nerezza

Alot of the things we go through during our early years shape who we are later in life. Santa can be used in a number of ways.

1: Belief in him enforces a belief in the unseen. Sort of like religion I guess. Creates the possiblity in the child that things outside the realm of normal can happen, also as you said, a world of magic(careful distinction in the word magic, I mean a world of endless possiblities).

2: How you define Santa can shape the childs morals, or build them up. Is Santa there to give gifts to the child because he/she deserves presents, or is Santa there to give gifts because he is the perfect representation of how we as humans should treat others. Giving out of love. Creates a more giving spirit in the child, but only if the parents make it known clearly to the child.

3: The realization that there is no Santa. Tricky I suppose but if done carefully it (presumbly) will show to the child that not everything in the world is as it seems, but it doesn't mean it's fake. The spirit of Santa is alive and well and for that reason he does exist but in peoples hearts. He is a metaphor for how parents treat their children and how we as a people should treat others, giving without receiving.

Of course im the last person who should be giving advice so im most likely horribly wrong. I for one am glad that I was led to belive in Santa, only to discover he wasn't some stranger living miles away in a cold region of the planet, but someone much closer and familiar.

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." St. Thomas Aquinas

#3 · Dec 04, 2002, 07:02 · Nerezza

I just read my sig after posting the previous post, I think it somes up what I was trying to say.

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." St. Thomas Aquinas

#4 · Dec 04, 2002, 15:30 · Frank

Nice question.

Perhaps it is time for children to start learning the "real" truth rather than some make-believe (Santa, et al) mystical mumbo-jumbo.

Yours,
Frank

#5 · Dec 04, 2002, 19:26 · James S

Fallnangel,

I have two kids from a previous marriage who are now 12 and 14.

My ex wife went through the trauma (a strong word but somewhat appropriate) of having fanatical penticostal christian parents who completely dismissed the notion of all things like Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny & tooth fairy, etc. as being brainwashing pagan/satanic beliefs. I'm not joking, these people epitomized the word "fanatical".

At a young age while children around her enjoyed the festivities of such times of the year and excitedly asked each other things like "what did Santa bring you", she sadly sat on the sidelines unable to partake of any of the fun, having been firmly told that these things don't exist.

Our children were not raised this way. They were allowed to believe in what they wanted to believe, and enjoy all the happiness that such harmless fantasy brings. In time they grew, their beliefs changed, and they came to realise that such things were not real, and no harm at all came of it.

In those precious few years when everything is new and wonderful in a childs eyes, they take such great delight in things like Santa Clause . These times, these beliefs where all things are possible quickly fade, and many people lament that fact that they can no longer view the world with the innocence and wonder of a child. This time brings about such a powerful creative force in people minds that can be carried through into adult life, and give us the ability to believe in more than just what we see. It should be encouraged, not dismissed.

You simply can not see things the way a young child does. It is like a different reality. Don't be concerned that you will be lying to your daughter and breaking her trust. You will find a great many times during her upbringing where the truth will be "compromised" for her sake.

One day when she is older she will come to you and say "it was you bringing the presents all along wasn't it?" She will smile, and hug you, and you will know that she loves and trusts you every bit as much as when she thought it was Santa bringing them.

James.

#6 · Dec 05, 2002, 14:03 · Tisha

Hey.  WHO SAYS THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS?  Put up yer dukes, man.

The spirit of Santa moves through all of us who are moved to be especially generous to children during the holiday season.  Not because we want to "keep up with the Jones'" by buying every trendy electronic game in the mall, but by doing whatever we can to bring about that feeling of wonder in a child:  bringing them skating, to the Nutcracker ballet, baking special cookies, providing magical gifts in pretty wrapper, etc.

So, WHO SAYS there is no Santa Claus?  We don't know how we will raise our children until we are faced with their little mugs staring up at us.  Don't fool yourselves, you soon-to-be-not-yet-parents!   You too, will want your children to believe in magic.  It doesn't have to be Santa - - - - it can be Disney, fairies, extraterrestrials, loaves-and-fishes and oils that burn in lamps for "40 days and 40 nights."  Believe me, if you love your children, you will want to do it.  Just let it take the form you want it to take - - - be deliberate, and pay attention!

So WHO SAYS there is not Santa Claus?  When you were three years old, the point that Santa is a spirit was pretty much lost on you, so let your own child be the literalist that he/she is . . .  and take LOTS of pictures!  As they get older, they will catch on.  The trick is to stay age-appropriate, and not force a belief that belongs to a four-year-old on to a seven-year-old.

Your children's ideas about Magic will be shaped by time and your attitides, for better or for worse.  So take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what YOU think about magic.  You are surfing Astralpulse, yes?

Tisha

"As Above, So Below"

#7 · Dec 05, 2002, 14:29 · Synapse

i dont really think it is worth worrying about. telling a child about santa isnt a lie really its just a way of making them have more fun at christmas. they will find out he is not real after a few years anyway.

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#8 · Dec 05, 2002, 16:42 · PeacefulWarrior

Santa is fun!  If it's not a tradition you like, ok, don't do it...but kids are only fooled for a little while and then they go along with it because they get what you're doing, it's just part of growing up and realizing your parents love you and want to make the holidays fun.  Let's not over analyze ourselves into boredom....and Frank, many people would tell you the same thing if they heard you talk about OBE...of course that's different, but you know what I mean...

fides quaerens intellectum

#9 · Dec 05, 2002, 22:26 · cainam_nazier

Me personally I don't think any one needs to tell thier kids that there is no santa.

Simple let your kids decide.  Ask them if he exists or not, and more importantly ask them why.

David Rogalski
cainam_nazier@hotmail.com
I am he who walks in the light but is masked by the shadows.
David127385.freestoreclub.com

#10 · Nov 20, 2003, 17:12 · Tisha

soooooooooo . . . it's that time of year again, almost!
Yeah the big shopping buzz is about to start.  Can't wait.[ ;) ]

#12 · Nov 20, 2003, 19:41 · Avalon

WHAT??  There is no Santa Claus?  I disagree.  I love playing Santa every year with my kids.  Santa is just too magical to deprive my kids of the experience.

When it comes time to tell them the truth, or they tell me they know "the truth", I'll tell them that there IS a Santa, and my husband and I have been playing him all along.  And that I enjoyed every minute of listening to their Christmas lists and wishes they had planned on telling Santa.  And that I enjoyed every Christmas morning I got to watch the surprise and sheer enjoyment in their eyes seeing all of the presents under the tree on Christmas morning, thinking that "Santa" had made it to our house once again.  I'll tell them how much I loved decorating Christmas cookies with them, just to make those few special one's to leave out for Santa.  I'll tell them how much I enjoyed only giving them the most expensive and biggest presents under the guise of Santa, not Mom and Dad.  I enjoyed giving them the magic that comes only when it's that time of year.  I wouldn't change my belief in Santa for anything and I hope my kids never do either. And in the end, I hope they enjoyed it too. I did because it's not about what you get but what you give. :)