#0 · May 26, 2005, 20:31 · Nay
Redneck IQ Test
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?
I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.
Nay
#1 · May 26, 2005, 22:07 · James S
Y'all got me laffin sumth'n fierce!
You sure your name's Renee, or is it Naydeen?
James
#2 · May 26, 2005, 22:23 · Shinobi
#3 · May 26, 2005, 22:23 · Souljah333
2) C/Pontiac GTO
3) A ford F150 Standard V-8 rad holds 25.5 quarts (@ 4 qrts/gallon)
you'd need aprox. 3.333333333, but i prefer using old water heaters.
for both biodiesel & moon shine production.
4) Seeing as Woodcutters are only available on weekends, and it would
take at least four weekends for a very determined cutter.
Anywhere from 180-360 depending.
5) What's an Ozone? Is that one of those air purifyer thangs?
6) None. During the day they ride around with me in the truck, and at
night they're all in bed.
7) Dang straight! I know a feller in Possum's Holler with 1 acre, ten kids,
and pool!
Depends if it's a tourist area or not?!?
9) None! We don't support no terrorists! (120 x 2.3) 276 packs of Dorals.
(Always smoke more on 3rd shift)
10) What's the elevation???
333
#4 · May 26, 2005, 22:55 · Frank
That's one of the biggest laughs we've had here!
Number 8 and number 10 had me in stitches. The rest were funny too but those in particular.
Yours,
Frank
#5 · May 26, 2005, 23:47 · Nick
We still have six gun shootouts and rodeos here in Arizona. I reckon more than a few folks herebouts would be up to that redneck challenge though.
#6 · May 27, 2005, 00:55 · Nay
Quote from: James S ROFLMAO!!!HEHEHEHE...You can ALWAYS make those wonderful spelling errors that would drive Squeek crazy!
Y'all got me laffin sumth'n fierce!
You sure your name's Renee, or is it Naydeen?
James
Naydeen...I swear, next site I go to that needs a nic, that is totally it!
Love ya, big guy.
Naydeen.
#7 · May 27, 2005, 00:58 · Nay
Quote from: Shinobi Damn! I was taking a swig of Dr. Pepper when I read #10. Do you have any idea how much that stings coming out your nose?LOL..yeah I do...sorry.
Thanks a lot!
Shinobi
#8 · May 27, 2005, 01:01 · Nay
Quote from: Nick Funny, funny stuff southern girl.Nick.....Stop hanging out with James....
We still have six gun shootouts and rodeos here in Arizona. I reckon more than a few folks herebouts would be up to that redneck challenge though.
Have you met a catus personally yet? ....You'll know it when it happens.
Hugs,
Naydeen...<-------never gonna get over that, I tell you! LOL...too funny.
#9 · May 27, 2005, 01:05 · Nay
Quote from: Souljah333 1) 1.4 inchesLOL...You answered the questions! Way to take a joke! Woot!
2) C/Pontiac GTO
3) A ford F150 Standard V-8 rad holds 25.5 quarts (@ 4 qrts/gallon)
you'd need aprox. 3.333333333, but i prefer using old water heaters.
for both biodiesel & moon shine production.
4) Seeing as Woodcutters are only available on weekends, and it would
take at least four weekends for a very determined cutter.
Anywhere from 180-360 depending.
5) What's an Ozone? Is that one of those air purifyer thangs?
6) None. During the day they ride around with me in the truck, and at
night they're all in bed.
7) Dang straight! I know a feller in Possum's Holler with 1 acre, ten kids,
and pool!
9) None! We don't support no terrorists! (120 x 2.3) 276 packs of Dorals.
(Always smoke more on 3rd shift)
10) What's the elevation???
333
Nay
#10 · May 27, 2005, 01:18 · Nay
Quote from: Frank Nay:Oi....I totally didn't see your post. So glad I went back to look upon my furry of posting.
That's one of the biggest laughs we've had here!
Number 8 and number 10 had me in stitches. The rest were funny too but those in particular.
Yours,
Frank
Funny you mentioned 8, I was gonna ask what ya'lls take was on it, cause I didn't get it at first. I asked hubby, then he had to tell me..."uh, honey, rednecks don't have mufflers" Oh geez, I hope I'm not offending anyone now.
As to number 10.....I don't do country.
Yours,
Renee'